Doing Leads to Being

Ever been to a social gathering or a meeting and introduce yourself this way, “Hi, I’m Mark, I’m a _________.’ Funny how we identify ourselves with what we do. It makes sense. I’m not quibbling about it. But it’s also strange if you think about it. A Noun (being), arises out of a Verb (doing).

For example, if I start smoking, at some point, I become a smoker. In the case of smoking, it’s hard to say exactly when that transformation happens. Are there milestones that identify the shift? Once a person crosses an invisible line it is inevitable, smoking-1026559_960_720the consequences of the actions (smoking) start to emerge. Smelly breath, morning cough, higher blood pressure, lower blood oxygen, possibly even cancer can be effects of smoking. Interestingly, the activating force behind these results begins to fade once a person stops smoking. Changing the actions (not smoking) then attracts different results–better overall health. Also too, the now ex-smoker will eventually stop identifying him or herself as a smoker. The label (the noun) evaporates away as well.

As you know, I’m in the business of trying to inspire people to start meditating. I do this because the same potentiating force that turns doing into being is at play here too. If you start to meditate, you will initiate actions that lead to predictably positive results. Studies show that people who meditate are happier and healthier. The enhanced awareness that goes with a skillful meditation practice also improves relationships at work and home. Simply put, meditators learn skills and perspectives that enable them to suffer less and their life gets easier.

EVERYONE WANTS THE EFFECTS OF MEDITATION. But to my great dismay, less than one percent of people will do what it takes to achieve those positive results. People get so totally lost in the world that they won’t prioritize the one activity that will shift things for them.

One of my meditation teachers, John Yates, PhD., (Culadasa), wrote a book, The Mind Illuminated, that details the ten stages of meditative development. His formulation teaches that a person masters stage one as soon as they develop a consistent practice. If you are part of the one percent and are interested in cultivating the positive results that come with the activity of meditating, find my free guide on starting a practice. I’ve attached a PDF to this blog. Click the link at the end of this paragraph. And please, share it with your friends too. Begin-at-the-Beginning-M1. This PDF is a part of a more comprehensive 6-module online course on learning meditation and mindfulness for stress relief. If you feel inspired, you’re invited to check out that resource as well.

Remember, Being arises out of the Doing, and, when Doing changes, so does Being. Become a meditator. Then, reap the rewards!

THE POWER OF RITUALS TO MOLD YOUR LIFE

In my mind, the word “ritual” conjures religious overtones. Today, I choose to use it in a much more mundane way. Here, let ritual mean any activity you engage in that captures your attention on a daily basis. I’m talking about ingrained habits, like walking the dog in the morning, watching TV after work, reading the Huffington Post at lunch (me), or posting on FaceBook after putting the kids to bed. We all have rituals we devote precious allotments of our time to every day.

Thoughts and feelings come to reflect whatever are our cumulative preoccupations. Capturing attention as they do, rituals lead to habitual emotional states. And, emotions felt habitually, eventually grow from states into temperaments. That is how mundane rituals mold us over time.

How the power of focus can create a positive spiral in your life
How the power of focus can create a positive spiral in your life

If you want life to be better, consider examining the effects of your mundane rituals. How are you ritually prioritizing your time each day? You may discover that some rituals are not serving you. Giving yourself over to them is costing rather than adding to your life.

If you decide you’d like to replace some of your rituals with a daily meditation practice, I’d like to offer you a quick lesson on how to get started. Just click here to gain access to a free webinar that explains the basics of how to use meditation for stress relief. On the webinar page, you’ll be able to watch a video and also receive free downloadable audio meditations. These are the same meditations that come with the first month of my 13-month guided program. Enjoy them. They’ll get you started.

My mission is to help as many people start a meditation and mindfulness practice as possible. The reason, I want the world to be a better place. So, if you’ve been thinking about taking up the ritual of meditation, go for it. I assure you, you’ll gain more happiness, mental and emotional clarity, compassion for yourself and others, more creativity, confidence, grounded sensitivity, peace, a sense of purpose, deeper sleep, and a better memory. If you want to improve as a parent, to be less impulsive and reliant on medicating substances and behaviors, to develop increased tolerance for distress, then begin to practice the ritual of meditation and mindfulness. IN ALL THESE WAYS AND MORE, THIS RITUAL WILL MOLD YOUR LIFE INTO SOMETHING WORTH CELEBRATING. I’m here to support you if you’d like to get started. Please share this newsletter with anyone you want to be happy.

As always, I wish you peace, health, and happiness.

Mark

BEST EVER MEDITATION BOOK!!!

Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 12.55.02 PM

I wanted to pass on some exciting, and super valuable news to anyone interested in THE BEST EVER BOOK on the stages of meditation training. I’ve read many books on the subject, but this book is the most informative, clear, and thorough by a long shot. The book is titled, The Mind Illuminated, and it was written by one of my meditation teachers, John Yates, Ph.D. I’m excited about this book because it’s simply the best resource on the topic. Please check it out for yourself. Reading this book will totally jumpstart your practice. Also, please share this post with anyone and everyone who is interested in learning to meditate for the purpose of self-change and/or healing.

Wishing you well,

Mark

Intentional Families Thrive

Hi all,

KPutnam
Karen Putnam PhD., childhood development and parenting expert

Last week, I had the great pleasure of teaching alongside Karen Putnam PhD., a clinical psychologist who specializes in child development and parenting. We spoke to an engaged group of parents interested in implementing evidence-based strategies for promoting health and happiness within their families. Karen suggested something simple, but profound: being intentional and setting agreements for family behaviors. Simple yes, but who among us has been so proactive? As intentional as Lynda and I believe we are, we’ve not taken this step. That’s going to change! We’ve already begun to craft our own family agreements document and intend to enact it. Family harmony seems to stem from cooperation, kindness, skillful communication and emotional self-regulation. As a result, we wove these attributes into the fabric of our agreements. Our document is still a work in progress, but here’s what we have so far:

Pirtle Family Mission: to consciously wish for, and actively support, the health, happiness, growth, and success of each family member

In the spirit of this intention, we each endeavor to live by the following agreements:
1. We agree we each play a part in the well-functioning of the family
2. We agree to mindfully contribute to the well-functioning of the family, both emotionally and materially
3. We agree to give our full attention when communicating with one another
4. We agree to speak kindly and listen to each other without judgment or interruption
5. We agree to be honest with each other
6. We agree to acknowledge, accept, and tolerate the feelings of others
7. We agree to share our feelings openly, but in a respectful and kind way–we don’t dump or dramatize
8. We know we can ask for support, yet we each agree to be responsible for ourselves and our feelings
9. We agree to try to understand one another, and ask clarifying questions
10. In every way, we aim to be kind, cultivating empathy and compassion in all our relations

That’s it so far. Let me know what you think. I’m open for suggestions.

Also, for those of you who live in Tucson, Karen and I are going to teach a parenting workshop on Saturday, April 18th. Here’s a link to a flier for more information. To register, call: 520-981-9911. Given the positive response to the short talk we did last week, the workshop promises to be well-attended. Seats are limited. Hope to see you there.

If you don’t live in Tucson, but you’d like Karen and I to come to you, just contact us through the website. We’re eager to share simple techniques that may positively transform your family dynamics.

All the best,

Mark

Everything is Workable

Time Magazine Mindfulness

Hi all, I wanted to share an example of a back and forth Q&A between myself and a client with whom I’m working. He’s learning how to use meditation and mindfulness to heal anxiety and depression. Here’s our email string from today:

Time-Mindfulness-020314Client: “Hey Mark, good morning. I just wanted to ask you a question. So I am reading the book “The Path of Individual Liberation” by Chogyam Trungpa. He stresses the importance of focusing on nothing besides the out breath. So now when I meditate I get very anxious and doubt myself, thinking I am doing it wrong. I was thinking maybe it would be better for me not to read any more meditation books because they just mess with my mind, and stick to our practice. Do you have any advice/thoughts?”

Me: “Great question. Reading good Dharma is always a good idea, and Trungpa is good Dharma. If you have questions, just ask. Daily spiritual reading will take you far, so keep going! The advice to watch the out breath is given because it’s so subtle. It’s a “doorway to emptiness.” But the truth is, so are all meditation objects. It’s strange, but the more carefully you observe them, the more ambiguous they become. May I suggest that you do the same with what you think is your anxiety, depression, or a strong emotion or urge. Get in the habit of asking yourself, “what is this?” but don’t answer. Go looking for it. Is it a thought? If you think so, then ask: “what is a thought?” Keep probing. Is it a sensation? What’s that? There’s a saying, “everything dissolves in awareness.” And it’s true. You’ll never actually find the thing you’re looking for. All that exists is experience, which is ephemeral, fleeting, or as the Tibetans say, “empty”. Sit with that, and let me know what you find. Your practice will reveal the truth and that’s where you’ll find your healing.”

So if this type of back and forth support is what you want, and you’d like to learn to use meditation and mindfulness to change and or heal, join us. For a limited time, I’m running a holiday and New Year’s special. Until December 31st, receive $100 off both the Skillfully Aware Meditation Program for Stress Relief, and or the 6-Weeks to overcoming Stress, Pain, Strong Emotions and Urges (Tucson residents only). This offer is not available on the website. To take advantage of it, please call 520-981-9911, or email lynda@skillfullyaware.com.

Wishing you all healthiest and happiest holiday,

Mark

Meditation Changes Everything

Meditation will change you, and eventually, change the world. I got support for this hypothesis from a dear friend, and super accomplished and successful business woman Cristina Burgess. She turned me onto this video of self-described “skeptical” journalist Dan Harris waxing philosophically about the many benefits of meditation. Watch it. It’s compelling.

https://www.youtube.com/user/bigthink

Mark at 48 years oldDid you watch it? If so, now’s the time to act! Go get yourself a teacher and start learning how to meditate. Your partner, spouse, kids, family, colleagues, community, nation and the world needs you to be at your best. YOU need YOU! And don’t worry, if you need support, I’m here to help. The important thing is that you get started. Let’s do this.

Wishing you health and happiness,

Mark

www.skillfullyaware.com

Commute with Compassion

Traffic Jam in Sao Paulo

Traffic Jam in Sao Paulo
copyrights mariordo@aol.com
Statistics show that the vast majority of Americans start their day by commuting an average of 10 miles to work. If you’re one of those people, have you ever noticed how the tensions involved in this wordless, frenetic migration have the ability to influence the emotional tone of the rest of your day? Consider trying this simple driving meditation as a way to get ahead of stress and set you up for a happy and productive day.

As you watch cars moving around you, imagine the other drivers are your friends, or members of your family: your sister or brother, mother or father, kids or grandparents. Imagine wishing them well on their journey, wherever it takes them. In that vein, consider allowing these friends and relatives the space to move in front of you if they want. Smile at them as they do. Wish them well in your heart as they pass. Try to imagine where each person might be going. If they happen to be driving unconsciously and frantically, offer them kindness and compassion rather than scorn. We’ll all been in a rush at one time or another. It’s no fun. They’re suffering. Wish that your kindness may wake up, bring them a bit of mindfulness and peace. Your offering of peace and kindness not only helps them, it will help you as well. Happy commuting.

What You Practice, You Become

Mark in meditation post

“What you practice you become; what you become has consequences” —Anonymous

Health and happiness become a real possibility for those who put enthusiastic effort into a daily self-care practice. Indeed, every wellness goal you aspire to depends on effort and practice. If this were not so, it would be easy to achieve your health objectives.

Effort in this case means doing what is necessary to achieve the goal. There are two forms of apathy that prevent a person from doing what is necessary to accomplishment his or her objectives, they are:

  1. The voice in your head causes you to procrastinate by involving you in distracting activities
  2. The voice in your head discourages you, so you give up

When enthusiasm and calmness are present inside you, the voice in your head changes. It becomes your supporter rather than your detractor. When this happens the two forms of apathy disappear and correspondingly prevent any added stress and disillusionment from arising. Aspects of a daily self‐care practice:

Mark in meditation post

  1. Make it a ritual. Create and maintain a sacred space in your home. It won’t happen if you try to practice on the couch in front of the coffee table and magazines. Also, make an altar, upon which place sacred objects—objects that have special meaning to you, that remind you of spiritual teachers, friends or loved ones, special places, or transitions points in your life.
  2. Become a life‐long learner: Do some spiritual reading everyday. The way we think is the way we think, and so far, that’s what’s been causing all of the problems. The only way to change the way you think is by putting yourself on a diet of enlightened ideas. This is why I recommend daily reading. Discover the truth about your internal reality (biology and psychology), read about meditation, and find out how the Universe works. Dharma is a word that means the way things are. Find out about the way things really exist. You’ll suffer less as a result.
  3. Engage in daily formal meditation and informal mindfulness practices
  4. Take some time to participate in daily movement and exercise
  5. Lastly, find a way to give back. Find a way to make your life meaningful (the true source of happiness) by contributing to the welfare of others.

When you begin to practice self‐care a profound transformation takes place. Every moment, millions of neurons link and unlink in your brain. This happens to everyone; it happens to children and old people, the healthy and the sick. The process is slow but powerful. Thought of broadly, your brain is in a constant state of change. Scientists call this persistent brain rewiring, “neuroplasticity.” Neuroplasticity is driven by the following factors:

  • Whatever a person loves or hates (emotion) captures his or her attention
  • Paying attention focuses the activity of the brain (concentration)
  • Repeatedly concentrating on the same thing causes new neural links to form

Therefore emotion, concentration, and repetition hold the keys to neuroplasticity. What this means is, the more a person engages in certain thoughts or actions, the stronger the neural connections associated with those thoughts and actions become. If, on the other hand, a person refrains from engaging in certain thoughts and actions, the neuronal links associated with those thoughts and actions weaken, and can eventually, break. From this perspective, neuroplasticity is the both the basis for learning and memory and also explains how a person might change or heal.

Meditating is a way of self‐directing neuroplasticity. In other words, a person who observes his or her suffering can learn to heal it. By repeatedly placing attention, and remaining aware of the flow of thoughts, feelings and sensations, you will change yourself. These facts argue for the necessity of a daily self‐care practice. If you would like support in starting your own daily practice, please contact me through this website.

Many well wishes,

Mark