Please watch John Oliver deliver a harsh rebuke of the pharmaceutical industry for its dishonest marketing of opiate-based pain medications. But the problem is even bigger than that. The healthcare system our doctors work in only permits seven minutes per patient visit. How could our doctors do anything else but prescribe a pill with so little time? Our medical system is the most expensive in the world, and, simultaneously, delivers the least value for that money when compared to other first world nations.
Be forewarned that he does get political and is crude at times. I think these issues do deserve attention, however.
Do not assume you know who I’m writing about. Because I’m writing about us all. The acrimony I see coming from both sides of the political isle motivates me to raise my hand and say “stop.” Words matter. And the words we hear prominent political figures and surrogates use to describe their opponents is creating a dangerous energy field that will result in horrific consequences if we’re not careful. If the fallout from these words merely increases the amount of hatred in the world, that would be bad enough. But, eventually, words turn into actions. Thoughts and words motivated by ignorance and malice lead to violence. Two days ago we learned that the FBI foiled a homegrown terrorist plot to blow up an apartment complex that is the home of Somali immigrants. CBSNews reports “The men are members of a small militia group that calls itself “the Crusaders,” and whose members espouse sovereign citizen, anti-government, anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant extremist beliefs, according to the complaint. The complaint alleges group members chose the target based on their hatred and out of a desire to “wake people up.””
At our core, we’re all good people. Yes, even the person you KNOW is the antichrist, is at the core, good. That said, every one of us, without exception, carries a shadow. I’m not talking about the shadow cast by a bright light. I’m talking about what Carl Jung described, the unconscious part of ourselves that we disavow, but, see so clearly in others. Shadow is the primal, law of the jungle aspect of us that we still personify. Our shadow steps in front of others when it sees a friend at the front of the line. It wants to pay as little tax as possible but rails against anyone else’s loophole. It fights for its personal freedoms while working hard to limit the freedoms of others. It judges others mercilessly but is the first to rationalize away its sins and beg for leniency. It is outraged by what others say but doesn’t pay much attention to its own dark views. That’s shadow. So in this respect, Donald Trump is doing us a great service by teaching us to recognize our collective shadow. If we remain objective and hold the widest possible perspective, he’ll help to quicken our collective evolution. We’ll all take a lesson in what not to do, which will result in a more inclusive, humane, respectful and fair society. If, however, we take the bait and start hating from our side, no telling how far down we could spiral.
The following is an analogy I use to teach the concept of shadow to students. If you have ever watched a Nature program and observed a pride of lions devouring their kill, you may have noticed that the pride organizes itself around rules over which animals get to eat first, and which ones have to wait their turn. The dominant males eat first, followed by the subdominant males and females. The cubs are often the last to join in the feast. Those are the rules. But, many times, members of the pride jump in, out of turn. Disregarding the social hierarchy is always met with a harsh rebuke, with teeth and claws. The dominant animal meeting out the punishment feels utterly justified when a subordinate jumps the line. But, hypocritically, if it were given the chance to do exactly the same, and eat before its turn, it would take that opportunity in a guilt-free second.
Shadow embodies the attitude: ‘What’s good for me is good for me. But you, we have a different set of rules for you.’ We see this in politics all the time. Shadow is on full frontal display. And what do most of us do when we see it in another person? Yeah, just like the self-righteous lions, we punch down. We project our unconscious shadow outward, onto other people. Sure, that person may fit the projection perfectly. That is mostly the way it goes. There is something in that person that you recognize, that the projection can stick to. But what goes unnoticed in our superior finger pointing is that three fingers are pointing back at ourselves. We mostly spot it because we got it!
So what triggers that vehement charge to vent on someone else? Down deep, we care. We want things to be better. We care about personal freedoms, social justice, family values, the right to protect ourselves, to make our way in the world, environmental sustainability, national security, sovereignty, religious freedom, and fairness. And as Americans, we especially care about fairness. We don’t like it when we perceive that the deck is stacked in someone else’s favor. Working out the agreements that create a fair society is what politics is all about. It’s not easy to be compassionate, to try to understand what stirs the emotions of others. But in this election, and going forward, there is a real opportunity to start to see the humanity in other people, especially others with whom you disagree. When we see their humanity, and privilege their rights, as much as we do our own, we’re on the right track. Opening our hearts that way would transform our politics. We could negotiate competing wants and needs within a civil discourse, full of empathy and compassion. By seeing ourselves in another we would develop the widest, most inclusive and fair perspective possible. All problems are solvable once we learn to dial down the hateful rhetoric.
What motivates me to write this blog today is the desire to hear from people who are earnestly trying to see themselves in others. I want to fill my consciousness with stories of people who are negotiating win-win agreements, reconciling long-held disputes for the greater good, cooperating in order to make a business or a relationship work out in a good way, or in any other way making this a more humane world. That goodness is happening right now too. It’s just drowned out by the vitriol. So, let me hear from the do-gooders today. It’s their positive politics that I want to energize. What I don’t want, is to hear from anyone who is angered by this article. If you’re are reading this, and you want to give me a piece of your mind, feel free to write out a full-throated and cathartic response and then scream it into the void.
I wrote this blog for myself as much as anyone else. The shadow side of me has played all the parts of the drama triangle–perpetrator, victim, and rescuer. I’m doing my best not to breathe life into those limiting personas, but they still exist within me. It’s hard work to confront and integrate one’s shadow. But the work is its own reward. What you get from shadow work is you get to keep the passionate energy that the shadow offers, plus, more and more, you get to enjoy the freedom from its limiting perspective. Dr. Ann Marie Chiasson and I are holding a Shadow Work Retreat February 19th, 2017. If you think you might be interested, click here for more info.
If you gained any perspective from this article or found it otherwise helpful in any way, please share it. The sooner we all learn about our shadow the closer will be the day when we’re not ruled by it.
I was skimming through the Huffington Post last week when I came across an article written by Barbara Van Dahlen, Ph.D., named to TIME magazine’s 2012 list of the 100 most influential people in the world, and the founder and president of Give an Hour. Dr. Dahlen wrote a piece on the recent killings in South Carolina of nine African Americans, by 21-yearold, self-described white supremacist, Dylan Roof. In her article, Dahlen implores us all to “pay attention to how he became a killer…” because such understanding may help us prevent other young people from following a similar path. I couldn’t agree more.
Without wasting another moment, let’s explore what are the causes of such hatred and violence. Since Dr. Dahlen already mentioned the abuse Roof suffered as a child, let us look beyond early childhood experiences for more answers. Are there universal features that lie behind every mass shooting or terrorist attack? If so, what are those elements?
To start, I would argue, that in the mind of every perpetrator is a volatile combination of two mental factors: a fixated attention, coupled with a rigidly unexamined self-narrative, the theme of which is injustice. Or, as Dahlen similarly describes, “a distorted sense of purpose in a belief system that fomented hate…” These two factors work the same way in the minds of homegrown white supremacists, Islamic terrorists, and everybody else. Mixing attentional fixation, with a personal self-story of injustice forms an unassailable fortress of views, which makes the world appear as a hostile battleground between “us” (includes me and my tribe), and “them.” The violence comes easily then, because one’s self-story rationalizes and justifies it.
But there’s something more. And this is a big one, maybe the biggest because it provokes and agitates the two already mentioned. It’s the influence of Us vs. Them memes—ideas that spread like viruses through a population—propagated intentionally by outside sources. Keep in mind Root’s views did not arise in a vacuum. He was not the first to imagine a self-excusing perspective that pit him against his victims. It’s vital we acknowledge this reality: there are those who benefit from disseminating Us vs. Them memes. Whether for TV ratings, political power, market exploitation or for furthering a cause or career, carefully massaged talking points, meant to manipulate us, pour out through various media channels.
It never seems like manipulation to the person who identifies with the speaker, however. It just sounds and feels like the “Truth.” That’s because the right ideas, those with which one identifies, make a person feel understood, and thus connected to something larger. And that’s when it happens: when a person feels like he’s found his tribe, he gives his trust, and shortly thereafter, he loses his discernment. Like an invisible puppet master pulling invisible strings, the fixated person then buys things he does not need, votes against his own self-interest, and may even strap a suicide vest to his chest.
One test for evaluating potential media programming that belies a hidden profit, power or political motive is that the talking points make a certain segment of the population mad. Clever programming tells stories that portray clear villains (them) and clear victims (us). Once the programming hooks someone, that person then finds it hard not to tune in. It’s natural to want to see how the fight is going—whether we’re winning or not.
So, please, be careful. The consequence of exposing oneself to such Us vs. Them content is living a life more filled with harmful self-righteous indignation. Ask yourself: Who are you listening to, and what are they saying? How does it make you feel? Is it making you mad, especially at someone else? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please turn away. As Dahlen so incisively points out, “we need to recognize this type of hatred for what it is, a sign of severe emotional disturbance.”
Now, I am not equating us with Dylan Root. He is an extremist. But he was not born that way. His extremism evolved through repeated exposure to harmful and manipulative ideas. Then, he marinated in them, turning them over in his mind. As you might imagine, the “flavor” of his views intensified over time. Lacking awareness, this malignant process can happen to us too! Everything we watch and listen to plants seeds in our minds, which will bear fruit that will become our future. So, let us guard ourselves against malicious, Us vs. Them ideas, for our own sake, and for the sake of our aggrieved society.
If you found this post valuable, please share it. Also, if it feels like the right time to start working with your triggers, thoughts and sensations by learning to meditate and be mindful, I offer a meditation program that may be of interest to you. For more information, click here. We are grateful that all of the Skillfully Aware classes we have held this year filled. If you are interested in attending the next round of classes in September and October, please email email@example.com.
Last week, I had the great pleasure of teaching alongside Karen Putnam PhD., a clinical psychologist who specializes in child development and parenting. We spoke to an engaged group of parents interested in implementing evidence-based strategies for promoting health and happiness within their families. Karen suggested something simple, but profound: being intentional and setting agreements for family behaviors. Simple yes, but who among us has been so proactive? As intentional as Lynda and I believe we are, we’ve not taken this step. That’s going to change! We’ve already begun to craft our own family agreements document and intend to enact it. Family harmony seems to stem from cooperation, kindness, skillful communication and emotional self-regulation. As a result, we wove these attributes into the fabric of our agreements. Our document is still a work in progress, but here’s what we have so far:
Pirtle Family Mission: to consciously wish for, and actively support, the health, happiness, growth, and success of each family member
In the spirit of this intention, we each endeavor to live by the following agreements:
1. We agree we each play a part in the well-functioning of the family
2. We agree to mindfully contribute to the well-functioning of the family, both emotionally and materially
3. We agree to give our full attention when communicating with one another
4. We agree to speak kindly and listen to each other without judgment or interruption
5. We agree to be honest with each other
6. We agree to acknowledge, accept, and tolerate the feelings of others
7. We agree to share our feelings openly, but in a respectful and kind way–we don’t dump or dramatize
8. We know we can ask for support, yet we each agree to be responsible for ourselves and our feelings
9. We agree to try to understand one another, and ask clarifying questions
10. In every way, we aim to be kind, cultivating empathy and compassion in all our relations
That’s it so far. Let me know what you think. I’m open for suggestions.
Also, for those of you who live in Tucson, Karen and I are going to teach a parenting workshop on Saturday, April 18th. Here’s a link to a flier for more information. To register, call: 520-981-9911. Given the positive response to the short talk we did last week, the workshop promises to be well-attended. Seats are limited. Hope to see you there.
If you don’t live in Tucson, but you’d like Karen and I to come to you, just contact us through the website. We’re eager to share simple techniques that may positively transform your family dynamics.
Using his usual wit and satire, John Oliver exposes the disturbing conflict of interest created when pharmaceutical companies spend lots of money to influence your doctor’s prescription writing habits. John is exceedingly funny, as always. He uses his humor to point out a troubling relationship that seems to drive a wedge between you and your doctor’s self-interest. For anyone who takes a prescription, or knows someone who does, this is a must watch video. If you think this information is valuable, please comment, share, tweet, post, pin or any of those other things you do.
If we were to explore where empathy comes from, we would discover that it emerges from understanding; putting oneself in another’s shoes. I was not surprised by a new CNN/ORC poll released this week that reports more white Americans believe in the color blindness of police and the justice system than do non-white Americans. It’s disheartening given the overwhelming evidence of bias against people of color.
These data suggest that the majority of us still resist broadening our “in-group” to include others of different races and socioeconomic classes. The fact is that most of us reserve our compassion for only those like us. I wonder how this can be when other polls report the majority of people identify themselves as religious, and all of the world’s major religious traditions hold compassion at their core.
There’s a simple explanation for this contradiction. Collectively, we’ve been conditioned by a social Darwinistic dogma that pits us against each other. Ironically, those most antagonistic to Darwinian evolution in schools most embrace the survival of the fittest perspective in their social, economic and political activities. As a result, a person’s values may not align with his/her thoughts, speech, and actions.
The holidays offer us all an opportunity to reflect on this misalignment. Some may dispute this, but I believe the spirit of the holidays is about connection–renewing our spiritual connection to ourselves, our family, friends, neighbors, and more broadly all beings and the planet as a whole. There’s so much we need to fix, and we won’t be able to make progress if we keep our compassion reserved for our narrow in-group.
The challenge then for us going forward is to try to align our hearts and minds more accurately with the compassion-based teachings of our wisdom traditions. If you are one who does not claim a religion or spiritual tradition, you can participate by analyzing this fact. The enjoyments in your life are dependent on others, therefore, the happiness of others also depends on you! So let’s all do as the Dalai Lama suggests, and ‘be wisely selfish.’ Meaning, be kind and help others because it’s good for us.
Should you feel moved to take up this “compassion challenge” for 2015, may I suggest a wonderful book to help you get started: 12-Steps to a Compassionate Life, by Karen Armstrong.
Wishing you a healthy and happy holiday and New Year!
PS: If you’re interested in taking up meditation and a mindfulness practice, we’re offering a holiday discount on our 13-month program for stress relief. The program comes with a lifetime membership to our online forum. The forum is where you can ask questions, get support, interact with others, meditate with me, receive teachings and participate in retreats and more. The discount runs until midnight on December 31st. Call 520-981-9911 or email firstname.lastname@example.org and mention this “Peace2015” in the subject line.
Hi all, Lynda and I watched a National Geographic documentary last night on stress. If you consider watching it, be forewarned. It starts off pretty scary. It suggests that the way we live is killing us. Specifically, this documentary warns us against relentlessly driving ourselves, but also acknowleges that our cultural and social pecking orders also add a heavy burden of stress. It uses a troop of baboons to gather most of the data to support stress as a killer.
If you watch it, I suggest watching it to the end. The message turns 180 degrees from how baboon culture conspires to make life a living hell for most all its members, to how, the troop can change and live more peacefullly and therefore more healthfully. The moral is this: If baboons can learn to live with more kindness and compassion, and therefore live more happily and healthfully, so can we. If you’re looking to destress and find more peace in your life, we’re publishing an online course to help you do just that. We’re calling this course True North. It becomes available this Sunday, June 1st. If you’d like more information on True North, visit this link. Wishing you health and happinesss, and the same to your troop as well.
Statistics show that the vast majority of Americans start their day by commuting an average of 10 miles to work. If you’re one of those people, have you ever noticed how the tensions involved in this wordless, frenetic migration have the ability to influence the emotional tone of the rest of your day? Consider trying this simple driving meditation as a way to get ahead of stress and set you up for a happy and productive day.
As you watch cars moving around you, imagine the other drivers are your friends, or members of your family: your sister or brother, mother or father, kids or grandparents. Imagine wishing them well on their journey, wherever it takes them. In that vein, consider allowing these friends and relatives the space to move in front of you if they want. Smile at them as they do. Wish them well in your heart as they pass. Try to imagine where each person might be going. If they happen to be driving unconsciously and frantically, offer them kindness and compassion rather than scorn. We’ll all been in a rush at one time or another. It’s no fun. They’re suffering. Wish that your kindness may wake up, bring them a bit of mindfulness and peace. Your offering of peace and kindness not only helps them, it will help you as well. Happy commuting.